She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
