I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
