I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize