I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize