How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
