Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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