You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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