So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize