i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
