I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
