we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You can't just leave with hair like that
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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