he shaved USA in his pubs
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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