I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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