uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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