How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
