god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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