He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
