Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
