Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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