I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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