I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
