FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
