You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize