so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
