Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just cropdusted the office
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize