It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
