bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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