Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Two words: blizzard sex
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
