dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
