i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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