I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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