I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
