Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
