guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
