Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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