We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
