I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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