i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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