The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she smelled like a LAN party
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
