I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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