I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
