I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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