Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
