He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
