nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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