and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We are all done wearing pants today
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
