That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
