i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
