Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
