i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
