She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
