hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
