o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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