no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize