Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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