I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Ladies don't puke and tell
well, you know. whores of a feather.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
