Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
