This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
