Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
