I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
