i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
