My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
