Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize